Posts made in August, 2007


As everyone knows, graphic designers are the reason there are so many wars in this world. They get inside our heads with their subliminal advertising, force us against our will to spend money on the worst pieces of junk, and eventually, drive us to depression and random acts of violence. And of course, most of them are communists. So to do my part to save the world from them, I made a list of things you can do when working with a graphic designer, to assure that they have a burn-out and leave this business FOREVER. 1.) Microsoft OfficeWhen you have to send a graphic designer a document, make sure it’s made with a program from Microsoft Office. PC version if possible. If you have to send pictures, you’ll have more success in driving them mad if, instead of just sending a JPEG or a raw camera file, you embed the pictures inside a Microsoft Office document like Word or Powerpoint. Don’t forget to lower the resolution to 72 dpi so that they’ll have to contact you again for a higher quality version. When you send them the “higher” version, make sure the size is at least 50% smaller. And if you’re using email to send the pictures, forget the attachment once in a while — just make sure it’s random, and that you’ve included the attachment the last 10 times to lull the designer into a false sense of security. 2.) FontsIf the graphic designer chooses Helvetica for a font, ask for Arial. If he chooses Arial, ask for Comic Sans. If he chooses Comic Sans, he’s already half-insane, so your job’s half done. 3.) More Is BetterLet’s say you want a newsletter designed. Graphic designers will always try to leave white space everywhere. Large margins, the leading and kerning of text, etc. They will tell you that they do this because it’s easier to read, and leads to a more clean, professional look. But do not believe those lies. The reason they do this is to make the document bigger, with more pages, so that it costs you more at the print shop. Why do they do it? Because graphic designers hate you. They also eat babies. Uncooked, raw baby meat. So make sure you ask them to put smaller margins and really, really small text. Many different fonts are also suggested (bonus if you ask for Comic Sans, Arial or Sand). Ask for clipart. Ask for many pictures (if you don’t know how to send them, refer to #1). They will try to argue and defend their choices but don’t worry, in the end the client...

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